Penis Cell Theory

Want to hear my penis cell theory? They shed. Did you know that? You know why guys shake their dicks after peeing? It's to shed penis cells so new ones grow, like seeds. Ever look around behind a toilet and seen little tiny stands of penises growing back there out of the floor, like mushrooms? It's because of the Penis Cell Theory. Penis cells are very small, see, so you can't see them falling if you are one of those people who likes to watch other people pee. I don't know if it is like, a conspiracy, like guys are trying to overtake the world or if it is something more benign, like it is just instinctual for them to propagate penises or what, but it happens. And you know why guys wear pajama bottoms but not tops to bed? It's so they don't shed penis cells all over the sheets and then roll around in them in their sleep. They don't want to wake up with little tiny penises growing out of their belly buttons and the like, and they know we would be hyper pissed to find one growing out of a hip. But I bet if you look carefully around your carpet (assuming you have a guy in the home with you on any regular basis) you will see here and there, very incongruously, minding their own businesses, little stands of tiny little penises growing like mushrooms out of the carpets.

Don't vacuum them. Then they'll grow in the vacuum cleaner and clog everything up and you don't want to take the vacuum to the repair shop and have to explain why there are little tiny penises clogging the pipes, do you? They tend to look funny at you. You want to use your steam cleaner and a little carpet shampoo, because it dissolves them and breaks them down safely, and they don't grow new ones after that.

Just a useful household tip.