Marauding window breakers

The oldest and I went to the mall this morning to go window shopping. We got there around nine, and most of the windows were still covered with those steel sheets they use to keep out the roving bands of marauding window breakers one has to assume must be prevalent in malls today from the number of stores who use them. I personally have never seen one of these bands, but make no mistake. They must exist or these stores would not be so desperate to protect themselves from them. They would be happy to live with the steel gates that close across the front of the store, protecting them from invasion but leaving the windows and the wares inside them visible. It's like Acidopholi. They must exist, or you couldn't get their milk, right?

How these marauders get inside locked shopping malls usually protected by more security at night than the White House is beyond me, but clearly it is a serious concern from the hours of closing until ten am. So while we waited for the store owners to evolve past the stage of throwing rocks at the moon and brave venturing forth, we had breakfast at the Big Apple Deli. We sat by the windows, hoping to see a glimpse of the marauders (I had pictured Viking types with spears and beards), but they never showed. All we saw while we were sitting there were some elderly walkers. Evidently the mall is a local exercise hot spot...these guys show up early and do nothing but walk around the mall briskly. I thought to myself it was a good idea, but not as good as showing up early to eat sausage and eggs with a side of toast. Maybe I'll feel differently when I am old.

After breakfast, we went to Natural Wonders, where the cautious store owners bravely lifted the steel sheets (but not the gates behind them) and eyed us suspiciously from inside. Maybe we looked like marauders in disguise. Eventually they decided we weren't hiding a stockpile of bricks in our backpacks or perhaps marauder scouts checking them out and let us in. It seems once it has been deemed that you aren't a marauder, they become your best friend. Maybe they're just so relieved you aren't a marauder...I left in a hurry because I HATE it when store personnel follow me around explaining to me how wonderful the merchandise is. Too bad too, because they had some good stuff I might have purchased had I not been so annoyed by the girl following me about.

From there, we just kind of wandered aimlessly until we got to the portrait booth. Turns out you can go inside and for only three dollars get your picture turned into a charcoal portrait. Neato, huh? They take three shots, you choose the one you like best, and they do the rest. We got a beautiful drawing of us I will probably treasure forever. There just aren't enough good mornings like this anymore.

We took the bus home from there, where I sat and thought unkind thoughts about odd looking or smelling others who got on and off. I think tonight, after the mall is closed, I am going to sneak inside (it must be really easy to do) and break some windows just to fuck with their heads.