-
Brilliant -
Beautiful -
Loves dogs. -
And Matthew Broderick -
Wants to be a doctor one day -
Has a face the same shape as mine -
Is lonely -
Is bi polar -
The light in my heart and everything good and hopeful the world can be. -
Is funny and goofy and reminds me of myself at her age -
Everything. She's just everything to me.
I love my daughter like nothing else on this earth. She is my first, and I remember when I was pregnant with her, just laying on my back and listening to her in there. I knew when I was fourteen years old what she would look like, that she would be a girl. I felt like such an earth mother when she was inside me...
...and oh how I wish she were still there where I could keep her safe. I agonize for her. She deserves so much to be happy...this damn bi polar thing is destroying her self esteem and when she asks me why God is doing this to her, all I have to offer is a weak 'it isn't God, honey.. it's just biochemistry'. What the fuck does that mean to a child?! I want to tell her I can fix it, and of course I do...but it is taking so long. She has run out of hope almost, and I don't know how to help her.
I want to hold her in my arms, and tell her it will all be ok, just take this pill or this hug, and see...all magically fixed. I want to hold her and protect her and keep her from ever being hurt by some insensitive asshole again. I want to find her lots of friends and make everyone who meets her love her and I want to get her the world's biggest self esteem and oh...I just want to keep her in my arms, safe forever.
Anyone out there figured out a way to keep them safe forever? To salve their wounds, protect their beautiful, fragile, gentle souls and spirits from the nasties of the world? To just sit them on a swing and set it in motion and know it will all turn out ok? To make sure nothing ever touches them they spend the rest of their lives trying to overcome?
How do you rail at a world, how do you make the world love your kid and stop hurting her, huh?
