Things About Men I Will Never Understand

Why is it men never clean anything that is normally only to be found in their private sanctuaries? This monitor spent six years in Lyle's old office (read: parents guest house) and as far as I can tell, when it got here, no cleanser had ever come within a township of it. There was old finger dirt all over the buttons and dials, etc. It took me ten minutes to clean this thing. When I cleaned his bathroom (when he sold his house), it was the same way...not that there was filth or anything, but the grout was dirty. And clearly had been for a while. Why is that? Is it genetic? Is it stupidity (still genetic for men)? Is it some kind of manly thing, like they think grime turns on the chicks?

Weird shit. Things about men I will never understand:

• Poop stains in their undies....this was a big deal with my ex. I hear it is a problem for many men. Do they hold toilet paper in the same high esteem they seem to hold their mothers and as such do not wish to disturb it or what?
  
  
• The fucking newspapers. Assuming you have found a man who reads (not an easy thing if you want one who really does read it for the articles) you must have noticed their propensity for leaving the paper strewn all over the goddamn room. Your men do this, right? It isn't just a Lyle thing?
  
  
• Is it a genetic impossibility for them to put their shoes and socks in the other room when they take them off?
  
  
• The toilet paper thing...I used the last of it when I was in there last...I go in a day later, and there still isn't any there. What the fuck are they *using*?? (You'll suggest that I should have replaced it the first time, but you will be wrong. It is his job to do everything I am too bored or lazy to do myself.)
  
  
• Do they speak the same English we do (we being women)? Why is it when I ask him how he feels about the tile I picked out for the dining area, all he can do is grunt and nod in my direction? If I peed over the floor and varnished that, would he still think it was great, anything I wanted, or that sadly pathetic old 'your taste is so much better than mine, honey'?
  
  
• When he does wake up enough to realize I am asking a question, why does his opinion have to so far differ from mine? Like I really GIVE a shit what his opinions of the tiles really are! I was just trying to be nice!

Men. Sheesh...can't live with them, can't get batteries for the vibrator without going out in the rain without em. What are ya gonna do, huh?

Yes...that's a segue. Not to a vibrator story (though I have a few you might like) but to the fact that it is raining here. To give you an idea of how schizo my thinking is, I love the rain. I love the wonderful way it sounds falling on things outside, the clean crispness of the air, the way the cars sound driving on wet streets. I am always so happy when it rains. But...what about the homeless people? Is it ok for me to want it to rain when it is really going to mess with the homeless people? My feelings are it is selfish on my part.

I'm guessing you don't wonder anymore why I can't sleep at night.