What are your deepest, darkest secrets? Things you aren't going to tell anyone, ever, not under pain of death, threat of torture or even being forced to watch a Three Stooges marathon on late night T.V.? Stuff your best friend doesn't know about you, your husband would never guess. Maybe you're too afraid to even write it in your journal lest it fall into the wrong hands?
I know, I know. You're thinking, what could possibly be so horrible that Transient, who tells everything, is afraid to share it???
Heh. The only things I don't talk about are the ones that would leave my family exposed to harm in some way. Still, I bet you did not know that:
1. I'm afraid of ants (Ok, not so horrible, unless you're an bugologist and if you are, my apologies). I hate them, cannot abide them, and cheerfully stomp on them when I see them. I can handle one or two spiders in the house, but not ants. I go nuts about ants.
2. You want to hear a really BAD one? I want to be ravished. Ravished, like in one of those smarmy, old bodice ripper romances, where the heroine is deeply in love with the handsome stallion of a swashbuckling hero, but she doesn't know it yet, and he takes her into his arms...' no no, we can't', she breathes. 'Yes, yes, we must' he tells her as he pushes her up against the wall and trails his finger across her cheek, down her neck. He chuckles as she shivers. 'No, no...this isn't right', she says (secretly wanting more)! "I want you' , he growls, kissing her neck, 'and I know you want me. What could be more right?' 'It's not that simple' says she, as she tries one last time to push him valiantly away. 'Yes, it is that simple' he says, as he presses her to him and kisses her hard, cupping her breast in his work roughened hand. He pulls away a little bit, says 'Just that simple' and kisses her again, not giving her time to breathe. She gives in to her overwhelming desire for him, knowing she can't resist him any more. (What makes this one so bad is the people who cry 'rape'. Stuff it. I've been raped, and there's a difference between having something you want to keep taken from you by force and what I'm fantasizing about here).
3. I trust no one, and no matter what they do to prove their honesty, I'll never trust anyone. Ever. C'est la vie, so the cookie crumbles, says I.
4. I want so much to trust someone.
5. Here's a really bad one. I often base my opinions not on statistics or tangible evidence but on gut feeling. I trust my personal instincts about people more than empirical data.
6. HERE'S a whopper. Sometimes I say one thing and mean another.
7. I've made grave mistakes in judgment. I'm not infallible.
8. I don't have all the answers and am not sure I even know all the questions.
9. I'm sometimes inconsistent and sometimes hypocritical.
10. I think I'm over reacting to MOST people on many levels and everyone on none. Heh.
Ok, ok. So I don't have Aunt Harriet hidden under the floorboards in several different garbage bags. I'm not a spy and I haven't defiled young lovelies and all my children were born in wedlock. Maybe my secrets aren't that spectacular. Maybe they're average, garden variety, middle aged woman kind of secrets. Maybe they're even... gulp...boring. Maybe they aren't even secrets. But they're mine.
