Currently This

My hair shimmers, shines and floats like a baby's. My toes are freshly pedicured, no hint of callus on my heels. My skin has been buffed, scrubbed and polished to a soft gleam. My face has been masked, peeled and finally treated to several at-home, anti-aging, skin-firming and plumping, wrinkle-relaxing treatments. My brows have been plucked to just-right-for-me perfection. My teeth have been brushed, flossed and subjected to not one but TWO at-home whitening treatments. My legs and pits are hairless and there are no stray pubic hairs hiding on these thighs.

Is Transient off to the beach in her brand new bathing suit? Does she have a gala premier to attend? Is she having quickie, lunch-hour sex with her husband (or a lover?)

No. Transient has to visit the gynecologist today and needs every psychological edge she can get.

It's been a couple years since my last visit. Yeah, I know. But every time I visited him, something needed to be opened, sliced or cut out. Besides, our kids go to the same school and it's painful to have to see your gyno smiling at you across the room at the school play. Yucko. I could have gotten a different one, but this one's great and he knows my history so it just seemed to make more sense not to visit one at all.

Har.

It needs to be done, if for no other reason than I am currently pushing the idea of their first gyno visits on my daughters. Role model and all that. So wish me luck and health and don't hate me for the half a Xanax I'll take a half hour before the appt.