Currently This

Anyone out there who's read me for a while? If so, you know how I get about SAFETY PREPAREDNESS!! I'm wiggy obsessive about it. I keep safety gear in my house and my car, I keep copies of everything important in a safe place and I try to keep lots of extra water around, but my family keeps drinking it.

I have solved that problem! Lookie here - I can get FOUR cases of little water packets for only $100.00. That's two hundred fifty six four ounce packets. Two hundred fifty six. That'll hold each of us roughly seventeen days in the event of an emergency, assuming we each drink three a day. And for only $700 bucks, I can get more freeze-dried food than you can shake a stick at! With a thirty year shelf life! WHEE!!! And look at all the emergency supplies - I can get anti-radiation pills to protect our livers and kidneys! And emergency sleeping bags that reflect back 90% of our body heat! And, and - waterproof matches! Tents! Boy oh boy. Everything I need to indulge my inner paranoia. Too bad you can't put that stuff on an Amazon Wish List.

My husband scoffs, but you can bet he'll be grateful when those Godless Communists come after us, by golly. In the event of a nuclear emergency (or any other kind, for that matter), everyone around us will die but WE'LL be safe, fat and happy.

You know what, though? If we stay fat and happy while everyone around us is dying, they'll probably try to come in and take our stuff. We'll need rifles or something to protect the homestead. Maybe some grenades to keep us safe when we take our laundry down to wash it in the washer we have hooked up to the generator (Note to self: don't forget to get generator. And a washing machine.) Shoot - we'll probably need body armor and stuff, too.

(Note to self: call Cheney. No wait, not Cheney. Find someone who knows where to find body armor.)