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As always, click to download, then install into your Pocket PC 'windows' directory.Last night, my daughter hurt very bad. She did everything she has been trained to do – she took the extra pill, she did biofeedback, she did hypnotherapy. She tried to distract herself by listening to a movie but the noise hurt her ears. I called my sister, who tends to orphan animals. I hoped she had a kitten that would lift my daughter's spirits but she didn't have any. I put my daughter in the car and we took a drive and bought some girly things, nail polish, body spray, etc. Didn’t help. By the time we got home, and she lay down again, she was in tears and asking to go to the ER. Last time, the ER doctor refused to treat her head pain because she was part of the pediatric pain clinic.
I called the pain clinic and was told that her doctor was on vacation and a Dr. L-- was taking her calls. We paged him *three times* and got no answer. I called back again and got a call from L-- who told me he was *not* on call for our doctor and to either take my daughter to the ER or visit the pain clinic on Monday. I explained the problem: the last time I took her to the ER, they refused to give her anything for head pain because she was part of the pain clinic. He said that made no sense, they can’t refuse and I told him well, they did. He said that I should take my daughter to see her doctor on Monday. In tears myself now, I told him ok - I'll go tell her it took four hours to get a call from you just to tell us to go to the doctor on Monday.
I called my doctor's page operator again and they said they would page her directly. I told them I thought she was out of town, they said now that she appears as available (WHY then did they send me to the other guy???). They said they paged her twice. No one called us back. All night, no one called us back.
My daughter lay in her room crying until she fell asleep. She said, and she is bloody well right, that none of this is fair, that they (the pain clinic) have left her no alternatives when it’s really bad. She kept asking what she should do and I had no answers. She said not to even bother trying to call anymore because no one would call back and they wouldn’t do anything to help if they did.
My kid is feeling nearly hopeless. How long can she stand this before she decides she can't stand it anymore?
WHY IS MY FUCKING KID HURTING???? Months in and out of the hospital, eighteen spinal taps, dozens of tests and doctors and no one is giving us answers.
I've never been impotent before. There has never been a time or situation in my life where I could not act to change it for the better, where there wasn't an action available to me to fix things. I don't know what to do with this. I sit here in front of this screen, reading articles, joining forums, sharing stories and nothing is fixing her.
For the first time in my life, I cannot fix what is wrong with one of my children and I feel burned, branded by it. I feel flayed by it, as though I should be flayed for it.
