Currently This

It's four thirty in the morning and I can't sleep. I didn't sleep last night, was half awake all day and thought for sure I would conk out as soon as I hit the bed, but nope. My mind won't stop.

I feel guilty for not hurting, for not fixing my daughter, for not having all the answers. It's like a bus landed on us all and I can't lift it off. That and the stress of the damn contractors ripping apart our home is making me feel a little closer to the edge of control than I like to be. I'm trying so hard to hang on - guess I better start taking those god awful pills again. I won't be able to think much or write or see colors, but it'll keep me from dropping my basket again and at the end of the day, I love my family. You do what you have to do to take care of the people you love, right? Thank heavens there is a pill (however yucky) that helps when I need it. How can I whine when I have a pill that helps and she doesn't? I'd trade my colors for her not hurting any day of the week.

That's my disgustingly positive thought of the day. Can you believe I had to add 'yucky' to the spell-check dictionary?