Today I did my first conference call with the pain people and was reminded why I stepped out of the world in the first place. It brings back every nasty memory of every time I had to speak publicly in high school and flubbed it. I know I can be great for them if I can just do it via this format, but if I am going to need to open my mouth, they 're going to think I'm an ignorant hick. Especially if I don't answer every need they have right out of the gate.
Argh.
Further, my child still hurts. I realized, half way through this call, that every move I make is designed to make my kid stop hurting. Under everything else, my sincere desire to help other people not withstanding, my immediate and insistent need is to make my child stop hurting. If I help the world and she still hurts, what good am I doing? What right do I have to help someone else if I haven't first helped her? Do I have a right to do anything to ease the pain of someone else if my child continues to hurt?
Do I have the right to breathe if my child still hurts?
WHY DOES MY KID STILL HURT????
