Currently This

My oldest saw the neurologist last week, who told us the swelling of her optic nerves has gone down some and she seems to have more vision this time than last. He won't say we are out of hot water, but these are extraordinarily good signs. I'm cautiously hopeful.

In the meantime, the new meds for her manic depression seem to work better than the old ones did. She is relieved. I am too.

I am strangely depressed, and can't figure out why. Part of it I suppose is that there is nothing definite still which says she is being treated well and will get all better. They say her vision will be permanently damaged; to what extent we don't know yet. Part of it is worry over the other kids.

Part of it is being tired of fighting, and not knowing how not to be afraid. I've been in this fight or flight thing for so long, I don't think I'd know how to feel normal again.