Currently This

Let's see - I may have begun trying to lose weight again. Last time I did this, I lost eighty pounds.

Then I gained sixty pounds back. I don't know why and I never would have believed I was one of those weak-sister people who gained it back, but I did. Maybe in twenty years they will have identified something in the brains of people like me to explain why it happens or maybe it really is all about fear or self-loathing or lack of discipline. I don't know.

I've been afraid to try again. It's not easy to lose that much weight (though it was much easier than I thought. I miss ephedra BAD). I don't want to go through gaining it back again. It was bad being fat - it's worse to start gaining back weight you lose. The way you are treated when you are thin is different, of course. The way people treat you when you betray them by gaining it back is worse.

Oh well, eh? It was time to lose it then and it feels like time to try again.