Currently This

Older girl feels much better, thank you. She had her LP, today. Her pressure was elevated but it wasn't as high as it was in December. It was a bit of a circus, getting her sedated enough to relax for the tap, but she felt better immediately after they drained the fluid.

Thing is, there was a lot of blood in it. Normally, spinal fluid is clean and clear. Clearer than water. Not this time. They said it was probably because they nicked a vein or something, and that may be true. But in twenty or thirty taps between them and some of those while people were wiggling or doctors were jabbing around trying to find the right place, I have never seen blood in the fluid.

So I'm nervous. Then again, everything's pathology. So I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful and tired. Hopeful, nervous and tired. Hopeful, nervous, tired and prepared. Hopeful, tired, prepared, nervous and wondering when I became a hypochondriac.

On the other hand, yeah, I may be paranoid. But that doesn't mean no one's watching me.

Younger girl still hurts. If one more doctor shakes their head and says call someone else, I'm going to shake their head for them. Right now, it's all about pain control and if they can manage that YEA! Go for it docs. Manage the pain and could you start sometime today, please and thank you, bow bow?

But *what the fuck is causing the pain and why aren't the regular meds working?* I'm down with making her feel better, but in the long term, I refuse to settle for simply controlling the pain. I want to know what is happening and I want it fixed.